by Larry Magid
This post first appeared in the Mercury News
Let me start with an apology of sorts to the many people who have written me emails but didn’t get a response. That includes some of my readers, but it also includes colleagues, family members, friends and even people who have written to offer me paid speaking gigs, writing assignments or donations to my non-profit, ConnectSafely.org.
Sometimes, failing to respond to an email can be consequential.
I’m not like that in other aspects of my life. Most people who know me would agree that I’m a reasonably responsive person. Ask me a question, and I’ll likely answer it. Although, I admit there are times when I’m lost in thought and not as responsive as I should be.
But, when it comes to email, I can be darn rude and completely fail to respond to a message. I don’t mean to be that way, but it happens more often than I’d like.
One excuse is, of course, the sheer volume of email. Even if you don’t count spam (which is mostly filtered out before I see it), I get hundreds or more emails a day. As a journalist, I probably get more than the average person, but according to the Radicati Group, the average American office worker receives 126 emails a day — and that number has likely grown due to the pandemic.
Most of my emails don’t require a response. They were sent to simply inform me of something or try to convince me to donate or spend money on some product, cause, or candidate. In my case, many are PR product pitches which I don’t feel obligated to respond to. Although, when my better self is in charge, I do respond as a courtesy to PR professionals or, in rare cases, because I’m interested in the pitch.
Why I miss emails
I miss a lot of emails because I don’t see them or, even if my eyes may glance at the from or subject line, it just didn’t register as one of the few messages I need to read. I almost feel like it’s a type of dyslexia – I see it but I don’t comprehend it. I’m not that way with other parts of my life but finding emails truly worthy of being read is a bit like that proverbial needle in a haystack.
One of the main reasons I fail to return an email is because I read it – typically on my phone – and meant to respond later. I often read email on my phone but – given a choice – I prefer to respond from my PC with its big physical keyboard than from my phone’s tiny on-screen keyboard. If it’s a quick word or two, the phone’s fine but if I want to give a longer more thoughtful response, I’d rather be at a PC. So, I say to myself that I’ll respond later but sometimes forget.
Dyscommunication syndrome
Clearly this can upset people who write to me, and thanks to Sam George’s new book, I’ll Get Back to You, we now have a name for the condition I might be inducing in other people: “dyscommunication syndrome.” Symptoms include, “fear you’ve been misconstrued,” and anxiety over “why your boss isn’t writing you back, or why your friend texted you gobbledygook or why your child’s teacher didn’t answer your question.” Did you do something wrong? Are they mad at you? Or, perhaps the person is being rude.
George goes to lengths to explain “why we keep the same pattern of negative thought” and “immediately go to the worst-case scenario” when our messages aren’t returned. But, of course, he accurately points out that the reason you’re not getting a response to that email or text probably has little or nothing to do with you.
I’ve suffered from this syndrome myself.
I had a former boss who rarely responded to my emails, and I used to worry that he didn’t like me or consider me important enough. I was so frustrated and concerned that I discussed it with fellow employees and discovered that I was far from alone. Everyone I spoke with said he treated them the same way. I was still upset with the boss, but I stopped taking it personally. I also figured out a workaround by getting his attention through his administrative assistant when I needed him to make decisions.
How to get your messages returned
In the chapter called ‘Tactics to get your messages returned promptly,” George outlines some suggestions which may or may not work. These include addressing the recipient by name, starting your message with a clear request, keep it short and sending your emails out early. George quoted a study from email tracking software company that found that “emails sent between 6 AM and 7 AM get the highest open rates at about 45%.”
Google has recently added schedule-send to Gmail, which lets you specify any time in the future for your emails to arrive. I wasn’t aware of that study, but I try to send my emails to arrive between 8:30 a.m. and 9:30 a.m. any weekday morning except Monday, when I might set a later arrival time on the theory that people’s inboxes are jammed on Monday mornings.
And when it comes to being a more responsive email responder, I’ve developed a few tricks of my own. If I read the email on my phone with the intention of responding from the PC, I sometimes walk over to my PC (if I’m near it) and respond right away, or, at least mark the message as unread so it shows up in bold when I return to my PC. I’ve even been known to make a calendar entry to return an email. When I scan my incoming email, I look at the from field first, and if it’s not obviously something I can ignore, I then look at the subject line to determine whether to open it. I’ve also unsubscribed to most mass mailings from companies and politicians, to tide the flood of incoming messages at least somewhat.
I’ve also informed colleagues and close family members of my tendency to miss messages so that they don’t take it personally. I’ve suggested that they text or call me if it’s important or urgent. I don’t have my phone programmed to notify me of incoming email (otherwise it would never stop beeping), but I do get a notification of incoming texts, on the sometimes-inaccurate assumption that texts are likely to be more urgent than emails.
And, that brings up a pet-peeve of mine. I hate it when people text me with routine message that aren’t urgent and get even more upset when I’m included in a text conversation between others when my participation isn’t necessary. I suspect I’m in the minority, but I think of texting as a way to get someone to pay immediate attention to an urgent matter. But these days it’s become an alternative to email. Maybe our collective failure to respond to email is one of the reasons for all those routine text messages.
Larry Magid is a tech journalist and internet safety activist.